The Irrational Post
I have not written anything for the blog for some time now. So I am posting something that I wrote for myself. I must confess though, that what seems to be a description of myself in the lines that follow, is actually an expression of what I want to be. I think you’ll find this suggestion handy while negotiating the rest of the page – ignore and if possible excuse, any lines that make a presumptuous masquerade of being poetic. Read on…
Random thoughts flashing through my mind like the scenery in an express train's window. A wild flower here, a fisherman there, my countryside, my home town. I was born here or so my parents tell me. These green fields of paddy.. . half submerged, as if the crop is floating on water, a shimmer of sunlight bounces off the water, catches my eye, men and women bent over, working the fields, in the distant back ground, coconut trees line the horizon, another field another pair of hands, another life spent with in these confines, in the cradle of nature, frogs in a well, or dolphins free in the ocean? Some of these people must have had the same ancestors as mine, i do not identify with them, i don’t connect, they are a different people, strangers in my hometown, strange eyes, strange tongues, i visit a temple, pay my obeisance to the rock that is meant to represent the phallus of God itself, i do not believe in God’s existence, nor do i believe in Its non existence, i do not see any reason to believe that even if It does exists It'd be listening to human prayers, and even if It is listening i am not so sure if It cares, i mean its a big universe that It has on Its hands. Well even if it does exist its highly improbable that it has a reproductive organ, and even if it did have a reproductive organ what are the chances that Its penis looks like ours. I mean what are the chances, why don’t people understand.
i join my hands, i am filled with shame that i am actually praying before a phallic symbol, i go through the ordeal, a pretense of a prayer, an ignominious travesty of rational thought, a disgusting compromise .... just to keep my guide pacified, he seems to be strong in his faith in the phallus, sometimes you just have to accommodate others in to your view. If you want to have any claims at having a wider perspective make sure you have spanned all the narrower ones. Accommodate them somehow. Ideologies are important, very, very important; a life without an ideology is a life not lived. I'd rather be a religious bigot than a blind spectator of ethnic cleansing, I’d rather be a dictator than silently watching his diktats being carried out, I’d prefer be committing murder to watching one with my hands tied, I’d prefer committing suicide to leading a dead life. Poetry aside i am just a man of thoughts of little consequence, a man of little action capable of eliciting very feeble reactions if any at all. i am bound, i feel bogged down, but i am not bogged down, i feel the guilt of humanity on my shoulders but i am not bending. I will walk right up to the end. i shall not stand still and watch the world go by, Eminem speak: this is no movie this is life or maybe life is a movie who knows? but what i do know is this ... if life is a movie, then I will not be one of those passively watching whatever it is that is being thrown at them. I will not be in the audience i will be out there on the screen and behind it as well. I am the actor, I am the director. i don’t care who is watching me though ... because when the movie is over they'll all get up and leave anyways. Doesn’t matter.... i don’t need an Oscar.... i don’t need recognition... I’d be more comfortable with a secondary role but i want it to be a good one.... i would not mind that role where you have to walk past the celebrity hero on the pavement.... brushing shoulders may be, or may be a punch in on the nose.... or may be a pat on the shoulder ... i would not mind that.... but i don’t want to be one of those people who get filmed without knowing that they are being filmed ... i want to feel life ... i ... now wait a minute do i really.... what the fuck is feeling life anyway ...is going to your native place for a day or two and making irrational associations with the scenery and the people feeling life? is going to the movies with your family and acting happy and satisfied feeling life? is having a migraine feeling life? Is waking up late in the morning feeling life? Is pumping iron feeling life?
Random thoughts flashing through my mind like the scenery in an express train's window. A wild flower here, a fisherman there, my countryside, my home town. I was born here or so my parents tell me. These green fields of paddy.. . half submerged, as if the crop is floating on water, a shimmer of sunlight bounces off the water, catches my eye, men and women bent over, working the fields, in the distant back ground, coconut trees line the horizon, another field another pair of hands, another life spent with in these confines, in the cradle of nature, frogs in a well, or dolphins free in the ocean? Some of these people must have had the same ancestors as mine, i do not identify with them, i don’t connect, they are a different people, strangers in my hometown, strange eyes, strange tongues, i visit a temple, pay my obeisance to the rock that is meant to represent the phallus of God itself, i do not believe in God’s existence, nor do i believe in Its non existence, i do not see any reason to believe that even if It does exists It'd be listening to human prayers, and even if It is listening i am not so sure if It cares, i mean its a big universe that It has on Its hands. Well even if it does exist its highly improbable that it has a reproductive organ, and even if it did have a reproductive organ what are the chances that Its penis looks like ours. I mean what are the chances, why don’t people understand.
i join my hands, i am filled with shame that i am actually praying before a phallic symbol, i go through the ordeal, a pretense of a prayer, an ignominious travesty of rational thought, a disgusting compromise .... just to keep my guide pacified, he seems to be strong in his faith in the phallus, sometimes you just have to accommodate others in to your view. If you want to have any claims at having a wider perspective make sure you have spanned all the narrower ones. Accommodate them somehow. Ideologies are important, very, very important; a life without an ideology is a life not lived. I'd rather be a religious bigot than a blind spectator of ethnic cleansing, I’d rather be a dictator than silently watching his diktats being carried out, I’d prefer be committing murder to watching one with my hands tied, I’d prefer committing suicide to leading a dead life. Poetry aside i am just a man of thoughts of little consequence, a man of little action capable of eliciting very feeble reactions if any at all. i am bound, i feel bogged down, but i am not bogged down, i feel the guilt of humanity on my shoulders but i am not bending. I will walk right up to the end. i shall not stand still and watch the world go by, Eminem speak: this is no movie this is life or maybe life is a movie who knows? but what i do know is this ... if life is a movie, then I will not be one of those passively watching whatever it is that is being thrown at them. I will not be in the audience i will be out there on the screen and behind it as well. I am the actor, I am the director. i don’t care who is watching me though ... because when the movie is over they'll all get up and leave anyways. Doesn’t matter.... i don’t need an Oscar.... i don’t need recognition... I’d be more comfortable with a secondary role but i want it to be a good one.... i would not mind that role where you have to walk past the celebrity hero on the pavement.... brushing shoulders may be, or may be a punch in on the nose.... or may be a pat on the shoulder ... i would not mind that.... but i don’t want to be one of those people who get filmed without knowing that they are being filmed ... i want to feel life ... i ... now wait a minute do i really.... what the fuck is feeling life anyway ...is going to your native place for a day or two and making irrational associations with the scenery and the people feeling life? is going to the movies with your family and acting happy and satisfied feeling life? is having a migraine feeling life? Is waking up late in the morning feeling life? Is pumping iron feeling life?
Dear friend,
you have a great way with words. Just keep it up.
A small suggestion. Pls change the backgroud or make the texts more whiter. It's very difficult to read. And you know, the attention span of todays kids are just a 14 seconds. so inorder to get more readers, make is more pleasant and readable.
thx for the comments in my blog
Posted by
Shinu Mathew |
9:28 pm, February 23, 2006
Chaitu
both -the stream of consciousness n its capture thru langauge have been perfect in this one....a deep idea expressed for the masses.
Posted by
Saurabh Thakur |
5:12 pm, February 24, 2006